Opposing racism, vulgarity & obscenities, body & mind abuse (smoking, alcohol and drugs, etc.)
Introduction: While there isn’t one “Christian” lifestyle, there are certain pathways a Christian should aspire towards in life. God asks this of us for His own glory and our own good. In this section, we will first discuss topics of daily life, such as our personal relationships and civility, looking to the Bible as our guide. Then, we will turn to characteristics of negative lifestyles, such as racist beliefs and behavior, vulgarity and obscenity, and body and mind abuse (smoking, alcohol, and drugs). We hope God will speak to you about His plan for your life and how that corresponds to living a healthy lifestyle as the Bible describes.
Recently we have been looking into several aspects of communication breakdown that is the Number One reason people come to New Hope for instruction and counseling.
What do we, as a counseling ministry, when two people who once said, “I do,” now say: I don’t, I can’t or I won’t?
Before embarking on the mechanics of the solution two parties at odds with each other need to examine their commitment to healing the here-to-fore unresolved issue(s).
To help them arrive at their individual level of commitment to their marriage we give them a piece of paper on which is written four words in this configuration
This is a calculated approach that must have total commitment in order for it to succeed.
Although the word calculate doesn’t appear in the KJV of the Bible the principle is taught plainly by Jesus as recorded in Luke 14:28:
“For which of you, intending to build a tower, sitteth not down first, and counteth (Greek: psephizo: generally, to compute) the cost, whether he have sufficient to finish it?”
The Number One reason married couples come to New Hope Counseling Service is, “We have a breakdown in communication.”
Communication breakdown is not confined to marriage relationships. If you can talk you have the potential for a communication breakdown.
Politeness and civility take a backseat when two or more disagree on any given subject at any given time in any given arena.
Last time we asked this question: How do you maintain the proper balance of the normal security and significance needs of the husband and wife after marriage – know what these needs are before getting married?
This statement begs one further question: Suppose you did not get premarital counseling?
More than half the couples coming to us for counseling did not go through premarital counseling. Over the past 30 years this ministry has proven putting married couples through premarital counseling is most productive.
Part 3: Know What Makes Your Wife Tick Not What Ticks Your Wife
Earlier in this study we acknowledged the fact stated in Genesis 2:24: “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”
It was also noted this newly God-created one flesh relationship was unique in that, except through marriage, no other such relationship exists among mankind.
It stands to reason, therefor, in marriage the male and female security and significance needs take on a new dimension. The husband and wife now must be equal supporters of each other’s needs.
In the last session we learned males and females are equal but that they are different. They are equal because both were created in the image of God according to Genesis 1:27: “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him, male and female created he them.
In this session we will begin to look at how, although equal, they arte different in so many aspects. The first of the differences we will observe is their differences in human personal worth.
Personal worth is made up primarily of two elements: Security and Significance. Although there are elements of both in females and males proportionally they are different. Follow this simple illustration.
If we could weigh a woman’s personal worth on a set of balance scales we would see she weighs heavier on the Security side and lighter on the Significant side. Although, as a female, she needs an element of Significance she needs a greater amount of Security to balance her female profile.
In this session we learn males and females are equal but they are different. This is not new information for most people, although I do not recall hearing a sermon on this aspect of marriage. But what is new is how this plays out in the realm of problem solving between a husband and his wife.
Someone said there are no marriage problems; there are singles problems carried into marriages. In counseling, I deal with this in premarital counseling so they don’t affect the marriage.
Know What Makes Your Spouse Tick Not What Ticks Your Spouse
The above caption will be a continuing theme for the next several lessons.
This title evokes many thoughts – some positive and some negative.
All we have learned thus far regarding problem solving and dealing with communication breakdowns are applicable between husbands and wives. However, the arena in the marriage relationship is different from any other arena of human relationships.
Dr. Ed Wheat, M.D. in his classic book, Love Life, for Every Married Couple © 1980, makes a most declarative statement regarding marriage:
The title of this tool is a play-on-words. It is built upon the last tool we learned. We looked at 12 words that can heel relationships: I am wrong. I am sorry. Please forgive me. I love you.
In our last lesson we concluded this is what to do. Now we will learn how to put this together for an effective delivery. Remember, the best way to defeat the enemy is to make a friend of them.
The A, B, Cs for Handling Communication Breakdowns
These are the two primary ways people handle communication breakdowns.:
Giving in is not giving up. Biblically speaking, giving in is giving over to God’s way toward resolution and reconciliation. As a jail chaplain I often taught a lesson I entitled: How is the Best Way to Defeat Your Enemies.
As you might imagine, occasionally an inmate would blurt out, “Kill him.”
Because I got that answer from time to time, I would respond with this question, “What are you in for?” More often than not they were in for a violent crime against an individual – even murder.
To move the lesson along in a positive direction, I would ask, “How would you like to learn how to defeat an enemy without incurring negative consequences – make a friend of them.”
Breaking down our walls of resentments is an on going, almost daily, process for several reasons.
Last time we introduced the process of listing our unresolved anger and resentments in the categories that affect us most adversely. As we work through this process, the mind will release them over a period of time – sometimes individually, sometimes in lump sum or collective clusters and sometimes in a mixed bag of both earlier and recent issues. And at each juncture we will have to deal with hurtful and sometimes forgotten memories.
Caution: As you are mentally and emotionally working through this process, do not try to make amends immediately upon recognizing a need or urge to do so.. Give yourself time to heal. Remember the lesson: Attack the problem and not the person.
Evaluation is an important part of the healing process from breaking down the walls of resentments. To facilitate this process we will need to apply the answers to these questions:
We could subtitle this tool: Managing My Memories.
In an earlier lesson we learned we can forgive even though we cannot forget. It was pointed out that through prompting or provocation we will recall almost all that our five senses, seeing, hearing, feeling, smelling and tasting, have stored in our memory banks.
It is a good thing we can do this because by this means we mature. But if we keep recalling unresolved anger and resentments we will remain in an unsettled state of frustration.
Petition for Impeachmentof Attorney General Mark Herring
As Virginians, we, the undersigned, believe our Commonwealth is entitled to be represented by an Attorney General who will not betray our Constitution by joining litigants in an effort to have its duly-adopted provisions declared illegal.
Our collective, informed decision to preserve the sacred institution of marriage in Virginia constitutes sound public policy and is supported by compelling legal arguments.
Under these circumstances, we, the undersigned, hereby call for the impeachment of Attorney General Mark Herring, who has chosen to actively fight against this Constitutional provision rather than fulfill his duty to defend it.
Please Download this form, fill out and mail this back to us at: 8604 Staples Mill Rd, Richmond, VA 23228 or email it to us at: Don@VaChristian.org